Bigger, better, faster, stronger: thank you, Surfer Rob!

Surprise surprise, I’ve been granted magical engineering skills! What do you think I will do with them?

“Well what the heck . . . lemme think about dat. Siri, what should I do about dat magical engineering power dere dey gave me?” — “Okay, I found twelve businesses near you with ‘engineering’ in their name.” (Photo credit: quinn.anya)

Here’s the really weird part: I can only use them to create one gadget or machine. So in effect, after I use these magical engineering skills to invent something, they will just disappear. Why would I do that? If the stipulation is set out beforehand, I would still gladly accept these magical engineering skills, because I have a plan for that.

So I’m only allowed invent one thing, but there seems to have been no limit placed on what I can improve. I think I can make the world a better place, one improvement at a time!

So let’s start with the elephant in the room: Siri. I think we all know that b!£€h does not know what we are saying; “I’m sorry Wob, I do not understand ‘find me a bobby cue west a want’. Do you want me to search the web?” does not cut it. With my magical engineering skills, I will improve the s#!t out of Siri until voice recognition has been revolutionized and perfected. I’d like to be able to dictate my blog posts into an app without having to stop and correct every single thing that I say, and if I could do it in a noisy environment? That would be awesome.

English: Solar power station in White Cliffs, ...
This should be the future of power, but I fear it shall not be. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

While I’m at it, I think I’ll go ahead and address the iPhone’s battery life issues, especially those pertaining to when it’s exposed to cold weather; I happen to know a certain blogger who is with me on that one.

I’d then turn my attention to solar power. Cheaper and more efficient solar power? A world that runs on sunlight? Yes, please! Solar cars, solar heating and cooling, solar electricity – anything with a surface can be converted to my revolutionary ways of utilizing the energy in visible and invisible light.

I’d go here and there, picking and choosing the improvements I’d make. I’d hire myself out for big money to large corporations as a “Product and Process Innovation Advisor”. I’d hold off on inventing something entirely new, because I’m using this power as a way to generate plenty of revenue – plenty of savings, because eventually I will be too old to work anymore; alas, I will be nearing end-of-life and once I get close to that, I will invent my widget: my best improvement of all.

My name is Surfer Rob; I own a mansion and a yacht.

My coup de grace.

This machine will turn back my body’s clock until I’m twenty years old again, and I will keep it a secret from everyone; I’ll take all my money and create a new identity, become a whole new person, and only my family will know who I am. I will live life a second time – rich, humble, mature well beyond my years, and fully equipped to travel the world, making it better for everyone – not by improving their technology, but by improving their lives.

And shame on you if you’re still reading this with a lisp!


This post was prompted by today’s Daily Post prompt.

Location:Bismarck,United States

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  1. I like your plan, Rob. Do you really talk like Elmer Fudd then? Is that why Siri thinks you’re asking her for a “west a want”? That’s just plain weird. Anyway, all your ideas are good ones. I’m with you.

    • Ha ha! In the spirit of attribution I have to admit that I borrowed that gag from an episode of The Big Bang Theory, where Raj falls in love with Siri and Kripke shows them how stupid she is because she can’t understand anything he’s saying. (shrugs) I just like to make people laugh! 🙂

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