Today’s incredible news is that I was just awarded patent for this strain of bacteria that I recently developed – the Supercalifragilistiexpialidocious.

What does my Supercalifragilistiexpialidocious do? It triggers the nerve cells to cause excitement. The bacteria were cultured within extremely boring environments (e.g. my office during a conference, the car when stuck in traffic, my room while watching an old black and white film, etc.) where they were observed for a week under my microscope.

Next, they were divided into two groups – the control group and experimental group. The control group did not receive any treatment, while the experimental group was further divided into several subgroups. Each subgroup was be exposed to a different form of stimulus, some of which are sugar, pop music, cold temperature, horror movie, romance novel reading, etc. The responses were recorded. The next activity was trying to combine treatments, until unique groups…