so just a forewarning: this post may give you a different look at me. If you don’t want that, you might want to skip reading it.
When I was diagnosed with narcolepsy in 2003…ish? I was prescribed certain medications to deal with that issue: Ritalin and Provigil. From what I understood, the Provigil was successful in some people and worked by doing something with hormones in the brain or something – it didn’t do anything for me except give me a sick stomach. The Ritalin, however, was speed.
I want to say the dosage was relatively small – about a third of what they used to prescribe for kids with ADD. Now, I can dig why that much Ritalin would work for ADD; who wants to even move when their body is so amped up? At first I took it like I was supposed to; it did for me what caffeine had always promised but never delivered. Then I went through all this crazy stuff. My girlfriend at the time left me out of guilt over cheating on me and moved out; what she moved out of was the condo we had bought and whose mortgage depended upon both of our incomes, and she was a nurse who made more than I did.
So she left me with a mortgage of over $1000 a month, adding the injury to the insult, for sure. I started to keep myself from going insane by watching my way through all of Star Trek, from Next Generation through Voyager. I didn’t realize at this point that somehow I had been broken; by and large, I was done with other people.
I took Ritalin as liberally as necessary so that I could stay awake while watching. Subsequently, I began to unravel at work because I couldn’t get a raise, even though I was easily worth three dollars an hour more than I was making. I couldn’t keep up with my bills. I started experimenting with different Ritalin delivery methods – to be perfectly vague – and then I just self-destructed in a very orderly fashion.
I got another job for two dollars more per hour at a shop where there was no regard for proper ventilation. Breathing grinding dust, possibly coupled with the fact that I was snorting up all my Ritalin, got me a lung infection. I lost the job because of the time I had to take off to recover, and the old shop wouldn’t take me back because the new shop manager had convinced me to skip the customary two weeks’ notice and start the following Monday. Lesson learned.
In the meantime, I had managed to reconnect with some old friends, and they offered to let me move into their basement. I sort of convalesced there for a couple months, looking for a job but not really finding any because of the economic climate.
When I had fully recovered from everything – the break up, the lung infection, the foreclosure on my mortgage, and a looming bankruptcy – I decided it was high time to take myself off the Ritalin. I just stopped going to the doctor for it. Then I was really down for a while and read a lot of Harry Potter.
So that’s my story about Ritalin. But that’s not the only thing I’ve ever been addicted to; I was a smoker of cigarettes for about 16 years, and I quit for what must have been the fifth and final time over three years ago. Over the course of my life I’ve discovered that addiction is probably 90% psychological in most cases; and if you happen to be this solid wall of hubris like I am, there’s no problem breaking that psychological addiction, because you’re too stupid to ask for help and too proud to fail.
Not that it’s so easy to break addiction all of the time – a person could die doing it, as a friend of mine could and possibly might attest. If you are addicted to something, and you can’t seem to get off of it, please seek help.
this post was prompted by today’s Daily Post prompt.
- Girl Taking Photo of Herself Through a Mirror « Inside my glitching mind
- Addicted… | The Rider
- addiction | hitting a brick wall
- Daily Prompt: Can’t Get Enough When I’m With You | Awl and Scribe
- Daily Propmt: Can’t Get Enough | Under the Monkey Tree
- Can’t Get Enough – FM Addiction | Geek Ergo Sum
- What it feels like to be addicted | The Magic Black Book
- ლCaFF-Eine BuzZzZzლ | mët•aRVhëë•n✪ia
- I’m A Daily Promptaholic | The Jittery Goat
- buttered | yi-ching lin photography
- Daily Prompt: Can’t Get Enough
- Addiction? Oh yeah « RPMAS
- Celebrate Good Times. | gypsy thoughts ..
- Daily Prompt: Can’t Get Enough #photography | ThisCornerOfTheWoods
- I do hope there’s a rehab for singleness | JC Bride ~
- On Facing Harsh Realities | The Magic Black Book
- My Toy Box | Kate Murray
- Only ever so slightly addictive me | thoughtsofrkh
- Addicted to ‘love’ | alienorajt
- Daily Post: “Can’t Get Enough” | The Adventures of Rain Dance Megan
- Can’t Get Enough | The River Mom
- of course i’m an addict | wannabepoet
- Add diction – A very short post | Neva Samaki
- Big Girl Now But Still Hungry | Virginia Views
- Can’t Get Enough | Motherhood and Beyond
- Alas, stopped daydreaming | crookedeyebrows
- Daily Prompt: Can’t Get Enough | Wordz on a Page
- My Coffee Addiction-Peet’s is Poo | Mac’s Blog
- Daily Prompt: Can’t Get Enough « Mama Bear Musings
- Addiction… | Life as a country bumpkin…not a city girl
- Daily Prompt: Can’t Get Enough | Love.Light.Life.
- Devotion on the Web | Kansa Muse on Micro Farming and More
- The Beauty of Autumn (Addicting) | photo potpourri
- Daily Prompt: Can’t Get Enough | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss
- PROJECT R – Continued | vicbriggs’s blog
- WIZARD BATTLES and the longest post I’ve ever made! | I’m just Super Saiyan
- Things I can’t get enough of… | Processing the life
- SAFE DRINKING RULES | Emotional Fitness
- ✗• smoke 2 joints •✗ | The RunningFather Blog
- The Withdraw: Daily Writing Prompt | Finicky Philly
- I’m done- it’s about me now | tornin2’s Blog
- I had my cat | Life is great
- The Year Of The Cat | Just Visiting T
- his Planet
- Obsession | A Wandering Writer
- My Strange Addiction | A String of Pearls
- You’re my obsession – CombatBabe
- Addicted… | Haiku By Ku
- Up to my knees in.. | Take your Chances; Make it Happen
- Addiction? I Have No Addiction! | Stuphblog
- Daily Prompt; Can’t Get Enough | terry1954
- Addicting | Shine Bright
- The Lost World | Flowers and Breezes
- “Can’t Get Enough” | Relax
- More! | The Silver Leaf Journal
- DARKER SIDE OF NIGHT by HastyWords | hastywords
- Addiction | Life Confusions
- Spellbound and Loving It | Daily Observations
- Can’t Get Enough Pepper | Crow Arrow, Inc.
- The Life of a Spoon Dealer – By: NCBEK | Incessant Ramblings
- One Starving Activist
- Dollars, Dirhams & Pounds | A mom’s blog
- Can’t Get Enough | The Nameless One
- The Mole on my Neck | Barefoot on Rainy Days
- Living Through a Hiatus | Curl Code
- The Key | Muddy River Muse
- As the old song goes… | Apologies and Honesty
- Thesauruses, Harry Potter and Nicotine | Baba Yaga Bony Legs
- Addiction | Fish Of Gold
- I Have a Heron Monkey on My Back | Babsje Heron
- Daily Prompt: Can’t Get Enough | The Daily Post « The Blogging Path
- Like a firecracker | Going New Places!
- Like It, Tweet It, Pin It | Momma Roars
- DRUGGGGS HEEELP CREATIVITY! | Standing Ovation, Seated
- Daily Prompt Response: Addiction to Supernatural | Corinthia Lynne
- Can’t Get Enough…of the Seaside | Joie de Vivre and Cupcakes
- SITE STATS | By the Mighty Mumford
- And Stat’s Stat. | Goodbye Whoopee Pie
- My Overly Simplistic Story (Trigger Warning) | Not a Punk Rocker
- A Shower of Gold | Wiley’s Wisdom
- Prompstagram | mardmood
- Haftalık Foto Mücadelesi: Günaydın! | 06cedmuho
- This Math is Your Friend. | rarasaur
- What if I was addicted? | Okay, what if ?