Category: Life

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Am I really comfortable in front of people?

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Teacher BHodge
“Excuse me while I run far, far away. . . perhaps I’ll lose my lunch, then drop out of the education program while I’m at it.” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve done this before, I told myself. It’s not a problem. And yet when I stood in front of a class of teenagers with a very competent lesson plan in my hand, my stomach tied itself up in knots and my heart quailed. Later on, I chalked it up to performance anxiety.

The thing is, I’m not really afraid of anything; and I have done this before. I acted for two and a half years in high school theater. I hosted an open mic night for two years at a café in my hometown. I got up there every week and played the same songs over and over again; I’m fairly certain some of those people wanted to kill me, but that did not stop me.

Back to the high school theater though: really, I think I would make a great actor, but that’s not what I feel like I want to do with my life. So I’m not chasing it. But I’ll get on the stage fearlessly, and I have done so several times in my life. So what happened to that confidence when I tried to teach a lesson plan in my practicum? I can’t tell you; maybe I just changed. Or maybe it was the unfamiliar context.

Skyline High Farnsworth Theater (Inside)
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Years later, when we had a theater reunion at my high school, my old friend Bryan said that he wouldn’t go because he spent most of high school in the theater and never landed a big part. He was actually bitter about that, and for a moment I felt his bitterness too; but then it passed as I realized how selfish and petty it must be to feel that way. I was happy in the theater. And really, aren’t all of the parts important?

I mean, they take the time and effort to cast them all, and certainly they wouldn’t waste time on casting unnecessary parts. Not to mention that no matter what your role, you still get the full-on theater experience – all the practices and rehearsals, the make up and set construction, the cast party and the camaraderie. So really, both in life and in the theater, it’s not about the prominence of the roles we play, but how seamlessly we fit into the big picture, capisce?

on the Teisenkopf mountain, Black Forest
on the Teisenkopf mountain, Black Forest (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

That’s why I recently passed up the opportunity to apply for the lead position in my department at work – instead of focusing on the glory of being “the boss” – if you can call it that – I decided that it just isn’t for me at this time. I like playing the bit part in my department, which really isn’t a bit part per se. Plus, I recognized that the lead role in the department comes with increased stress, extra hours, and just a whole bunch of crap that I didn’t want to deal with. Besides, I do a great job at what I do, and I don’t think the company would benefit from losing me in that position. No matter how many people ask me to apply, I’m not going to do it.

My point is, if someone isn’t comfortable in a certain milieu – including in front of others – then perhaps they’re not playing their proper role. Or maybe they need to adjust to the new role! Heaven knows whenever I start a new job it’s like venturing into the wilds of the Bavarian Black Forest in a Grimm fairy tale, and all those unknown co-workers are potentially dangerous wolves and bears. Now that’s a little nervy.

English: Pleiades Star Cluster
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

But regardless of where we find ourselves, the fact is that each of us is a powerfully burning star, regardless of where we sit in the night sky or how faint the light appears to those who see it. Make sure you enjoy it while it lasts, because every star eventually burns out!

And don’t let that stop you from having a good time!

Namaste.

🏄

This post was prompted by today’s Daily Post prompt.

 

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Did I really have a favorite toy?

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Sawmill made out of en:Lincoln Logs.
This is an example of the sweat lodges I used to build from Lincoln Logs, and I would pretend they were full of little kids making imitation Gucci bags. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Do you remember all the toys you had as a kid?

I had plenty of toys as a kid, and for the most part you could say that they fit into these broad categories; there were building toys, action figures, stuffed animals, plastic vehicles, remote-controlled vehicles, and books. I count books because they were significant part of my life, especially when I was a kid. However, discounting books as toys since they would win hands down considering how much I read as a kid, do I really remember what my favorite toy was?

I can tell you with absolute confidence that the one toy that I miss most, and the one that I would have back if I could, was my stuffed buffalo. I could get another stuffed buffalo, but I have never seen one like the one I had when I was a kid. And I’m really not sure I could describe it, but I know it when I see it. That being said, I don’t think the buffalo would qualify as my favorite toy per se.

You see, as a kid I was really preoccupied with building toys. Now when I say building toys, I’m talking about the kind of toys you use to build things; I had Lincoln Logs, I had Legos, I had Construx; then there were various models that I mangled; but I really liked to make stuff. It made me feel creative, it have me purpose in my play, it helped to build my imagination. So if there’s a favorite that I had it was a building toy. When I was younger it was Legos, but when I was older, I began to get into Construx, which if you have never seen it, is like a plastic snap-together erector set. Speaking of erector sets – I’ve seen them, I’ve heard others say they had them, but I never did. It might have to do with all the little pieces. As it was, my Dad threatened to throw away my Legos if he ever stepped on one when they were given to me, and for what it’s worth that still makes me laugh to think of it, I don’t know why.

LEGO Indiana Jones in 2008
LEGO Rob Ross (Photo credit: Dunechaser)

As an adult, I still enjoy creating, crafting, and building things, and the building toys taught me that it was possible: that piece by piece things can still be created from scratch; and this is important in a world that is largely manufactured by machines. This is where hand-making renegades get their courage: through this confidence that everything is made not by magic, but by discrete processes that can still be done to some extent by hand. I’ve made hand bound journals, knitted and crocheted articles of clothing, and cobbled together structures of wood. Nothing is beyond my reach if I only have the materials and the know-how plus time.

And sometimes I still fool around with my Legos.

This post was prompted by today’s Daily Post prompt.

 

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